Horses and Dreams

There are so many things I have to tell you.
Like how I rode a horse this morning
How it almost jumped off the bridge we were crossing
How good it felt to hold on to its smooth mane
And to recover from the anticipation of falling.
How disappointed I was when I woke up
How shaken I was at the realness of the dream
How I can still feel it’s smooth neck
Brushing against my tensed skin.

There are so many dreams I have to tell you about
Dreams that no one cares about
Dreams only you would hear about
Dreams that help me go on
Even on sunless mornings.

Like that one time I was looking for a key
Hidden under layers of reality
On some cold night covered with vivid constellations.
And under the stars I felt like I saw you.
And although I couldn’t remember how you looked
You’d never looked more perfect or true.

Someday I will tell you all about these
All about every thing I ever dreamed
While your eyes get​ heavy with sleep
Your voice gets blurry and weak
And we’ll dream together
Of all the horses
We never rode.

Grown Ups

Don’t tell me to wait till I grow up.
I have seen grown ups.
They are all lost.

They are all wishing they hadn’t waited.
They are all too bald to want new things.
They are all too fond of yesterdays
And all too weary of tomorrows.

I have seen grown ups who smile
At memories of sneaking into cinemas
And writing letters that didn’t change the world.
Because those are the only memories they have
That are worth moving facial muscles for.

I have seen grown ups who used to pray
To the Master who’d give them good jobs
And money to pay for their good children.
But that’s all they prayed for.
And that’s all they got.

I have seen grown ups who stare at walls
Not lost in some worthful thought
But because someone spilled ink on their
Years of hard work to pay off loans
To build those walls.

I have seen grown ups who
Make me not want to grow up.
And maybe I won’t.

So don’t you dare tell me to wait
Till I grow up.
I can never grow up
If all I do is wait.

A Worldly Wishlist

As I remain stuck within boring textbooks and blue boundaries of the internet, one of the things that keep me going is making lists. I make a LOT of lists. Lists of things I did, things I will do and things I’ll never do (unless Allah wills). Here’s one of those. A quite do-able one in shaa Allah.

1. Travel under/visit an open starry sky far from the city, and reflect on all the ayahs related to ‘stars’ that I know.

2. Jump off a very high place (with a parachute) and land safely.

3. Write a life changing Islamic fiction novel.

4. Open an online Abaya business.

5. Open an Islamic club in my school.

6. Start an institution or community where people across my country (and beyond it) come together to learn Arabic, Quran, Hadith etc

7. Travel around the world with someone, not knowing when the journey ends.

In Sha Allah 🙂

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